This past trip to Hawaii has been very healing for me. The first time I went to Hawaii last year, my mom called me one day and inquired if I was going to return home since I looked so happy in my pictures. I didn’t want to go home. Hawaii is just a healing and Zen-like atmosphere. I feel very centered and peaceful while on the island. It also doesn’t hurt that my bestie lives there.
Going this year was a different experience for me. I haven’t seen my best friend Nicole since Christmas and with her being in Hawaii, she was unable to attend my mother’s funeral. Our families are very close, so seeing her was a big deal.
My trip was very healing. There is something so serene and peaceful about the ocean water, going in it and listening to it. My aunt had sent me a very powerful book, Permission to Mourn: A New Way to Grieve by Tom Zumba. It is an easy read, but I read it throughout the trip, often rereading sections. That is how powerful it is. It really taught me to look at life differently, along with my mother’s passing. It is normal to feel all the different ranges of emotions I am feeling right now. Anger, sadness, depression, numbness, anxiety… the list goes on. The hardest emotion that I am feeling is the random feeling of happiness. I feel guilty when I experience happiness in something in my life, like traveling to Hawaii or being with my boyfriend. I feel like I shouldn’t be happy. The hardest part is getting over the guilt that I experience everyday.
The food in Hawaii is AMAZING!!!! Even with all of my food allergies, I am able to eat many healthy and delicious things. I love eating fruit smoothie bowls, which I have to inquire about the different ingredients, with fresh fruit, gluten free granola, fresh shredded coconut, and local honey. My other favorite food is Poke which is fresh tuna mixed with different ingredients like Wasabi Poke with Scallions and Spicy Ahi Tuna Poke.
Some of my favorite parts of my trip besides going to the beach were going SUP Paddle Boarding and hiking. We went to Maunawili Falls where we had to hike up a steep and rocky trail that was incredibly muddy (it had just rained for two days). Sometimes there was no trail, rocky waters to climb through, tons of stairs, and lots and lots of mud! We were covered! Once we got to the top, I jumped off a cliff into the amazing waterfall. It was beautiful!
When we went SUP Paddle Boarding, I went paddle boarding while Nicole and Anthony went kayaking. This is my favorite place to paddle board. While I was off trying to not get stuck in a tree (very windy), I saw a large sea turtle (which I am obsessed with). I got so excited and it I saw him again later on. I felt like my mom was there with me since Colie and Anthony did not see him.
This trip was amazing and very eye opening. It was such a healing and incredible experience. I still don’t understand why my mother was taken away so quickly and I might never know. I understand for whatever reason it was her time to go but reading the book helped me to understand that it is okay to question it. To question everything… to experience everything… every emotion, every thought, pain, and happiness. I am trying my best everyday. To take one day at a time.